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　愚人节整蛊笑话集锦(中英文对照)

a guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan。

he asks, "what was that for?"

she says, "i found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'betty sue' written on it."

he says, "jeez, honey, 'betty sue' was the name of the horse i bet on." she shrugs and walks away。

three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan。

he asks, "what was that for?"

she answers, "your horse called."

一个家伙正在看报纸，他的妻子走到他身后，用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。他问道：“这是为什么?”她说：“我在你口袋里发现了一张写有‘betty sue’的纸条。”他说：“哎呀，亲爱的，‘betty sue’是我赌的那匹马的名字。”她耸了耸肩，走了。三天后他正在看报纸，妻子走到他身后，又用一只煎锅敲他的后脑勺。他问：“这又是为什么?”她答道：“你的马打电话来了。”

a man was hit by a cab in the street. he was brought to the hospital。

his wife who was standing up by his bed, said to the doctor: "i think that he is very ill."

"i am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor。

hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "i"m not dead. i"m still alive."

"be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”

医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”

听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”

妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”

in the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. she explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes. a wild gleam came into the judge's eye. "you are a school teacher, eh?" said he. "madam, i shall realize my lifelong ambition. sit down at that table and write 'i went through a red light' five hundred times."

在中西部一个大城市的交通法庭里，一位年轻女士被带到法官面前，她由于开车闯红灯被开了罚单。女士向法官解释，她是一名学校老师，请求法官马上处理她的案子，以便可以赶回去上课。法官眼中闪过一丝狡黠，说道：“你是学校的老师，对吗?女士，我马上要实现我毕生的愿望了。在那张桌子旁坐下，写‘我开车闯了红灯’500遍。”

on the way home one night, i spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. after selecting a dozen and entering the shop, i was greeted by a young saleswoman。

一天晚上回家的路上，我看到一家花店外面有一些刚剪下来的玫瑰。我挑了一打，走进店里，一个年轻的女售货员跟我打了个招呼。

"are these for your wife, sir?" she asked。

“先生，这些是送给你妻子的吗?”她问道。

"yes," i said。

“是的，”我说。

"for her birthday?" she asked。

“她的生日?”她问。

"no," i replied。

“不是，”我回答。

"for your anniversary?"

“你们的结婚纪念日?”

"no," i said again。

“不是，”我又答道。

as i pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, "i hope she forgives you."

当我将找回的钱装进口袋，朝门口走去时，那年轻的女人冲我喊道：“希望她能原谅你。”

after being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave.when he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "i have some bad news. my grandfather just died.""thank heavens," his date replied. "if yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"

和盲约对象呆了一晚上后，男人再也受不了了。他事先安排了个朋友给他打电话，这样他就能借故先离开了。当他回到桌边，他垂下眼睛，装出一副阴沉的表情，说：“有个不幸的消息，我的祖父刚刚去世了。”“谢天谢地!”他的约会对象说，“如果你的祖父不死，我的祖父就得死了!”

teacher of physical education: have you ever seen mixed doubles, boys?

nick: yes, sir. quite often. i saw it even last night。

teacher: please tell us something about it。

nick: oh, sorry, sir. my father always says, 'domestic shame should not be published.'

体育老师：孩子们，你们见过男女混合双打吗?

尼克：见过，老师，经常见。就在昨天夜里我还见过呢?

老师：你给大家讲讲当时的情形吧。

尼克：啊，对不起，老师。我爸爸常说，家丑不可外扬。

a guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage。

"come on, miss!" he shouted. "shut the door, please!"

"oh, i just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back。

"you just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and i'll see to the rest."

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”

“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”

one day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. the city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. the city man said to the farmer," i see that your pig likes apples, but isn't that quite a waste of time?" the farmer replied," what's time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的

苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

will and bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger man. will said, “well, you know the pacific ocean ? my father's the one who dug the hole for it。”

bill wasn't impressed, “well, that's nothing. you know the dead sea ? my father's the one who killed it!”

威尔和比尔在为谁的父亲更强壮而争吵。威尔说：“喏，你知道太平洋吗?就是我爸爸为它挖的洞。”

比尔不屑一顾：“噢，那没什么。你知道死海吗?那是我爸爸杀死的。”

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